Happy Birthday, Adelynn Grace!

My funny, sweet, witty, beautiful, charming, firstborn...you are three years old today! I am so amazed by how much you have grown and changed over 3 short years. I look back to the day we brought you home, and I can still vividly remember sitting up in the bedroom cradling your tiny, scrunched up body in my arms. As I ran my fingers along your forehead and breathed in your sweet, new baby scent, I recall thinking "don't ever forget this." And I haven't. I have hung on to that memory and the complete aweness I had over you. Those moments and days following your birth were pure heaven. And though they seemed so surreal, they were very much concrete. Moments I had only dreamed about, I was finally living out. I was a mommy...a dream come true for me. If I could have stopped time in that very moment, I surely would have. But oh how I have loved watching you grow into the big girl you are now!

This year you became a big sister, and you took on the role with pride! I love watching you with your baby sister. You are very motherly toward her, watching over her and making sure she's taken care of. You love to help feed her, change her diapers, and make her laugh. You love making everyone laugh.

You love to sing and dance. You ask me all the time about when you'll be able to go to dance class. And you ask the same thing about school. You love going to Sunday school every week. I'm excited to see you do these things but sad to see you grow up so quickly.

Your gammie introduced you to Barney and it is now your favorite thing to watch.

You have also mastered how to use the potty. You still have occasional accidents but for the most part you've got it down.

We are so proud of you, Adelynn! And we are so thankful God has put you in our lives. We love you so very much.

Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Realization of truth.

I watched the movie Courageous last week...and I cried. Then just the other day I heard this song by Casting Crowns on the radio.

And I really cried. Because the truth is, it hit way too close to home for me. Watching this movie, and hearing this song, brought a flood of emotions. Emotions I have struggled with my entire life. Pushing them off, sometimes simply trying to forget completely they are there in the back of my mind. Every so often it will strike me.

 I'll have a bad day. I'll start to wonder if he thinks of me. If he loves me. If he ever did love me. If he remembers he even has a daughter.

Let me explain. There is something not too many people know about me. Something I tend to steer people away from when it's brought up. Up until this point, I have not wanted to talk about it. But I've spent so much time praying to my Heavenly Father... Struggling, praying, feeling like some days it's fine. I don't care. I don't care. I'm fine. And I'm tired, so tired, of convincing myself it's ok. It's not. And I feel compelled to share the truth. Because as I get older, I understand I have to stop running from this realization.

I'm adopted.

And before I tell you anymore, I want to tell you when I was eight years old, my mom married a wonderful man who showed me what a dad was supposed to be. I have found a father in him. Without him, I wouldn't have an earthly father in my life. A real dad. He has loved me, guided me, prayed for me. He was there when I got my driver's license. When I broke up with my first boyfriend. When I went to prom. Graduate from High School. College. Got married. And he's "pa-pa" to my girls.

But the truth is, somewhere in Texas, I have a dad. And I haven't seen him in 14 years. I would occasionally visit him in the summers when I was youngeer, but somewhere around the time I was 14, I stopped hearing from him.

Three years went by.

 I started to realize when I got married, my dad probably wouldn't be there. When I had my kids, he probably wasn't going to be there either.

So I asked for Mike to adopt me. Because he was a father to me. He had been there for me, and I knew he would be there for me. I was 17 and I had waited a long time for my dad to come around. Praying maybe today would be the day he would call. Maybe today he would tell me how sorry he was for being absent in my life. Maybe today he would tell me he loved me.

 I desperately wanted my dad to love me. It never happened.

I didn't hear from him. That is, until he received adoption papers in the mail. When he called to tell me I was a bad daughter for doing that to him. How could you do this? The man I hadn't heard from for 3 years. The man who never called. The man who forgot my birthday....was upset with me. He signed the papers and I never heard from him again.

I invited him to my wedding. He never came. And if the fact that I knew he wasn't coming didn't sting enough, instead I received a letter from my "grandma" (his mom) about how they would never come, because of what I did to them. I cried for days.

Maybe you would think by now I would stop praying he'll call me. But I don't. I still have a little spark of hope. Maybe you would think I still don't sink into a ball and cry over it. But I do.  Maybe you would think it doesn't hurt as much today. But it does.

I do struggle and it still does hurt. But here's what I do know: My father in Heaven loves me so very much. He hears my prayers and He answers. He knows my every need. He has put an earthly father in my life who loves me and cares for me. And He has brought a wonderful man into my life, who loves his girls so very much.

I am breaking the chains of my past, right now. My girls will never know what it feels like not to have a daddy. They will not go to bed wondering if their dad loves them. They will not. Ever. I know this. My husband and I talked about this before we were even married.

I am so thankful for all the Lord has taught me and is teaching me. Maybe my dad doesn't know it, but I forgive him. And I pray for him everyday.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.": Psalm 68:5

Our day in pictures.

 There are some days that just seem to happen so quickly, and in the blink of an eye they're over, leaving me trying to remember even how our day began and what it consisted of. So today, I sat out to document our day through pictures (or at least when I remembered to pick up the camera!) So here it is--a look into our day. A shortened version at least! ;)

Not ready to wake up



Good morning, sunshine!



Waiting for a ride to school

doing hair:)

lunch time!

exercising:)



Playing "camp out"



Daddy's home!

A perfect snow day.

Thankfully, this weekend finally brought us a good amount of snow, and we were able to get a true taste of an Ohio winter. Adelynn was begging me to play outside..This, of course, from the girl who once very much disliked snow...

                                           

It was the first we had been out in the snow this year, and Lillian took to the snow much easier than Adelynn did the first time we took her out.

Adelynn was very excited, even though we didn't get to build a snowman like she wanted-- The light, fluffy snow just didn't allow for it.

Hopefully more snow days to come....maybe even some good snow for building a snowman. :)

Happy Winter!

Almost 3..

I'm sure those of you who currently have or had a 3 year old can relate...

A New Year.

I'm not much of a resolution type of girl, but I do get excited about the many opportunities a new year brings. After all, everyone wants a clean slate--a fresh start. Which is exactly why I'm planning on buying new towels. Because honestly, our old ones stink. And there is nothing better than starting off a new year with fresh, clean towels. Seriously, I'm joking here. Sort of.

I wrote that last paragraph last night wondering exactly where I was going with it, so I'm just going to leave it for your enjoyment and start here...

While I want to throw out all the bad of last year, I know without it the good just wouldn't seem so sweet. Sure, I like the idea of a fresh, clean start, but I've gained so much from the "not-so-good" things and the trials that happened this past year. And even though there were many things I didn't understand at the time, there was so much good that came out of these trials. God's hand was in the midst of it all--watching me grow in my faith, teaching me to put my complete trust in Him. Giving it all to Him, knowing that He is in control. And when I had nothing left, I prayed. He answered.

So I'm carrying all I learned last year with me into the new year, and here are 3 things I'm going to do:

I'm going to pray more intentionally. Not just when things aren't going the way I want them to go, but also when things are going better than I have ever hoped for. God has a hand in it all.

If I love you, I'm going to tell you. A lot. So you don't forget. Because sometimes it's just nice to hear it, even if you already know.

I'm going to slow down. I'm not ever going to be so busy I can't take 20 minutes to just sit and play with my kids. There is nothing that can't wait.

There are so many, many more I could add, but I want to keep the list short so I can really take my time to focus on these things.

This weekend, we ended the year with a birthday party. It was small, quiet party, but it was just what was needed to end the year. We reflected on where we were a year ago, and we celebrated.

We celebrated her...

God has used my girls to teach me so many things, and I look forward to growing and learning so much more in this new year. There will be trials and there will be blessings. But at the end of the year we'll look back and reflect. And it's going to be good.

In 4 weeks we're going to celebrate another special birthday. I can't wait!

And I want to know--what is it you're planning for the New Year? Whether it's a resolution or simply being more intentional. Tell me. I'd love to hear.

And P.S.- if you're reading this, I love you. Thank you for following our family, celebrating with us, and praying for us this year.

Happy New Year to you, friends!  May God bless you this year and always.